Back to Father’s Rights and Why Moms Always Win Custody Cases

Fathers Rights Child Custody Lawyer Raleigh, NCThere are two things that I often hear from new clients when they come to talk to me about a child custody case: The Courts are biased against fathers. Mothers always win in custody cases. Neither of these things are true.

What it comes right down to is that stability and effective co-parenting wins custody cases, regardless of what your gender is. I can understand where misperceptions about how custody cases work and why more women seem to have custody of the children in a divorce–it’s there in the statistics. But raw numbers don’t really explain what’s going on with all these cases.

In the 1950s and 1960s, there were biases in the law. The “tender years” presumption had a great effect on custody cases. That presumption basically said that very small children (“tender years”) need to be with their mother and absent some evidence rebutting this presumption about what is in a toddler’s best interest, the children would be placed with mom. That presumption was done away with years ago. Now, the basis for all custody decisions is the best interest of the child. The courts have called the best interest standard the “polar star” of custody determinations.

So, with the standard being the best interest of the child, how is it that more mothers end up with custody? Shouldn’t it be 50/50 on mothers and fathers who walk away from a marriage with custody of the children? The discrepancy in the number of mothers who end up with primary custody can be boiled down to a simple factor: stability. In the United States (and many other places), when a couple separates it is most often a situation where the husband leaves the home and provides support and the wife stays in the home with the children. There are all sorts of variations on this theme, but typically the wife continues to be the primary caretaker for the children and the husband pays support to help her out with the bills, and spends weekends and other time with the kids. There are plenty of exceptions to this–situations where the wife runs off to the bahamas and leaves husband and the kids behind, or wife is the primary breadwinner who moves out of the home and leaves husband to care for the kids–but the larger percentage are those situations where wife cares for the kids when the marriage breaks up.

Given that social dynamnic, Mom starts off with the children more often. From the date of separation until the parties get into court is usually several months. During that several months, the children adjust, to some extent, to the new situation–living with mom, visiting with dad. It becomes routine over those months once the big upeaval of dad leaving the home subsides. Now, the Courts will look at this from the perspective of the children. When making a decision on custody, the Courts are going to look to stability for the kids by asking this question: What custodial arrangement is going to cause the least amount of disruption to the children’s lives at this time? The answer is usually, leave them where they are, and give the other parent more or less visitation based on the circumstances. Since Mom is usually the one who walks into court having had primary custody for the past several months, she is usually the one who walks out retaining primary custody.

While there are huge numbers of variables that go into this situation, and poor behavior by a custodial parent can upset the status quo in many instances, on a basic level this is how stability for children is the primary factor in determining who will be the primary custodian. And, since a higher number of cases begin with the mother in the position of primary custodian, it is Mom who ends up as the primary custodian more often in the Court order.

If you have questions about your custody case, the Palmé Law Firm can help! Call 919-803-4512 or contact us here.

5 thoughts on “Back to Father’s Rights and Why Moms Always Win Custody Cases

  1. Grace says:

    I have had my son for the past four years. And now that I took his possible father to child support court he’s threatening to get full custody. Make false allegations against me. He told the court he hasn’t worked in over a year. But his aunt hired a big time lawyer for him. What chance does he have of winning? I know I’m a good mother. My son is all he knows.

    1. Pat Patriot says:

      I hope you get totally screwed and loose custody…90% of the women who divorce their husbands is they become bored! Want a new boy toy and feel old and what the attention of a younger man. Well go enjoy yourself while it lasts….My Ex took my kids with a high powered lawyer while I was disabled in a Wheelchair.
      Left me all alone to fend for myself. No home, no kids, nothing! She screwed herself. Her options of men ran out. They used her, abused her, screwed her and dumped her. Now she’s 60 and not a single man will have her. So she tells me after 25 years we should get back together….LOL.. After 5 yrs of pain and emptiness with a broken heart I moved on and out of the Country, Remarried a young widow with 2 great kids who call me “DAD”. We have a loving happy CHRISTIAN relationship without drugs, drinking and her promiscuity. Why in the world would I ever want her back? So It sounds like your worried..GOOD!

    2. Pat Patriot says:

      Moderators never post the Real truths, I’m sure my comments will be excluded…Screw um….

  2. NP says:

    Pat, I left mine because he threatened my life and attacked me while I was sleeping. Then, he threatened the life of our child, too, and when I didn’t just let him do those things, when I calmly asked him how HE’D feel if he found out our daughter had been treated the way he just treated me, he threatened both of us, and then he took off.

    I was gone by the time he came back to the house. Gone with the baby whose life he had threatened.

    Funny, my ex was constantly accusing me of cheating with absolutely no evidence to base that accusation on, just like you’re implying the same thing of a complete stranger. One’s gender has absolutely no bearing on how promiscuous they are. Promiscuity is a nature/nurture thing that people are born with and/or learn through experiences.

    Funnier still, I never cheated. He was totally delusional. I had a newborn to care for, a severely broken leg, and his elderly grandfather in tow almost everywhere I went. With all that going on, it took me hours to do the shopping because he wouldn’t help. Then, when I finally managed to get the baby and his grandfather back with all the groceries, he’d accuse me of cheating on him because I took so long. I’d look down at my leg, at my crutches, at the infant I’d just managed to get back inside the house on my own, at the grandfather trailing behind me, and my question was always… how?

    And, I’m sorry you had a bad experience with a female. My bad experience was with a male. That doesn’t mean all males are bad. Just that one.

    You seem bitter. Bitterness and hatred are paralytics. Don’t let one bad person paralyze you.

    Sadly, the family court system in our country is a broken piece of crap, so I’m stuck with my delusional abuser. He hasn’t let up yet, even though I have left him. I still refuse to let him paralyze me, though.

    Please, seek psychiatric help if she hurt you that bad. She’s hurting you still, otherwise you wouldn’t be speaking to a complete stranger in a tone like that, would you?

  3. Frederick Duff says:

    This is total garbage. I can tell you first hand after going through a nasty divorce where my ex was in contempt 9 times, psychologist stated that she was psychologically and physically harmful to the children yet she still has the children most of the time. P.s. they couldn’t find anything wrong with me so they tested me 3 times. Enjoy your ignorance and lack of morality

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